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5 Tools To Keep Your Cool




In this blog I will help you identify what makes you lose your cool with your your young adult kids. Especially when it comes to having them in your space for the last year and a half due to the pandemic!



"My blood boils and I see red, I want to lash out and throw my 24 year olds clothes out the window, and yell at them to go live in the real world!"


“Wow”, you think.”

" What did your kid do to deserve such a reaction? "

"Steal? "

"Lie?"

"Leave the kitchen a complete disaster?”



It’s actually a thousand tiny pin pricks that our kids poke at us and we still manage to keep our cool. Then one last little prick opens an artery ! We are bleeding out of control as we explode at our unassuming Zillenial. It doesn't even have to be them that actually cuts us last. It could be anything like a broken glass, finding an empty pizza box from last week under the couch in the TV room, or it's the large sneakers in the front hall we trip over for the tenth time, that makes us want to toss them(kid or sneaker, or both) out the door into the street!


And yes, there is a word for kids born between 1990 and 2000.

They are both young Gen Y-ers and older Gen Z-ers.



Raise your hand if your Zillennial was home because of Covid, and....

- Managed to collect a big fat check from the government.

-Let you wait on them without a word of thanks.

-Dumped on you about how unhappy and unfair life is because they were stuck inside!


Stab, stab, stab!

How many pin pricks did it take before you lost your cool and bled out?






Here are the Five tools you need to keep your cool, stand for what you need and want from them and help them see you as a human instead of a parent that takes care of their needs.





1. HAVE SOME EMPATHY FOR YOURSELF.

Take a look at who you were before the kids entered your life and sucked every ounce of energy from you. Can you remember that person? Were you fun, high spirited, up for anything, creative, or full of joy? Can you remember how it didn’t used to feel selfish to put your needs first? When you can be empathetic with yourself first, remembering your own needs, and taking some well deserved "me time", you will create more space and empathy for others including your kids.



2. GET CURIOUS.

What is infuriating you and why? Really go deep and identify what values you have that they may be stepping on or disrespecting. "Why does it bother you so much when they leave their shoes in the hallway to be tripped over?" -Don't just say because they should know better. Go deeper into the question. The insight into what it is will help you create more conversation and understanding around it, rather than being upset about it. From this place you can clearly articulate what you want from a calm and clear headed place.



3. THROW SOME SPAGHETTI AT THE WALL!

Not literally, but throwing ideas and solutions around with your kid on the challenges you are both having, will help tremendously to come up with some solutions. Don’t let yourself be attached to any particular idea, and do follow the 10% right rule! In every idea you can find at least 10% of something you like about it. Do not share what you don’t like about the idea! Stick with what you do like. Then you can suggest a new solution or idea from what bubbles up in you from the idea just proposed.



4. TAKE A TRIP.

Imagine you can get on a private plane and take a trip to YOUR future. You land 20, 30, 40, years from now, hop in a driverless Uber to visit your future self. Ask your wiser elder self what is important to remember about 2020-2021? Drawing from a lifetime of experience and wisdom, what is their answer? From this perspective, what solutions do you have for the challenges you are having with your Zillennial now?


5. TAKE ACTION.

The last tool and step is to take action. Step into a solution that has presented itself from using the previous four tools to gain a new perspective. Is it to have a heart to heart with your kid? Is it to be more honest with yourself around what is really bothering you underneath the surface? Is it to set up some new boundaries and house rules that reflect the fact your kids are adults and need to live respectfully and responsibly when they are staying under your roof?


Share your action items with me at avery@stellamariscoaching.com



Coming In September

Implementing these tools takes time, accountability, and coaching.


Sign up for Parenting 2.0

This program will open the lines of communication, break through trust and respect issues, and restore the loving relationship parents crave to have with their Zillennial kids!


You will embody the 5 tools to keep your cool, and be able to use them with your kids. Each month will take you through new lessons,opportunities to use what you learn, private coaching, accountability, a supportive environment with like-minded parents.


Click on the link to join the next group of Parents looking to transform their relationship with their young adult child. Parenting 2.0 Program or schedule a call with Avery to further discuss The Five Tools to Keep your Cool.



Would you like to lead a happier life?


Positive Intelligence has made a huge difference in how I operate in the world. Conflict is easily turned into an open and blameless conversation, and I am much less stressed. It has given me the tools to catch the sneaky Avoider Saboteur among others, and shift to living a much happier life.


This has been such a great tool for my coaching clients that I have partnered with Positive Intelligence and started leading their 6 week course. (Find out more about them on their website below)


Because of my partnership with them I have a discount which I am passing on to my clients and readers.


I now am helping clients identify what the negative voices in their heads are, how these voices sabotage their lives, and giving them tools to quiet them and relieve the stress and anxiety these saboteurs cause.


"Will you join me?"


The next Positive Intelligence session starts soon.


Email me here to sign up. avery@stellamariscoaching.com


For more information on Positive Intelligence click here:https://www.positiveintelligence.com/


To book a call with me go to my calendar here: https://calendly.com/coach-avery/60min



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