This personal blog covers who and what influences my personal parenting journey.
How I found my own feet as an empty nester of 4,
And how I'm supporting other parents who are in similar situations with young adult children.
One by one my four kids have flown the nest. Well, only in a metaphorical sense since two of them still live in my nest and my youngest is still in college. So technically they flew and then flew back. Or what my husband affectionately calls them "Boomerangers"
My husband and I decided I would stay home and raise our children while he built his career. I married him one week after graduating from college with a BA in English Literature and Political Science. I did love the law and thought I may go to law school, but the desire to have children and raise them was more of a draw for me back then.
Within six and a half years, we had four kids, moved from the city to the suburbs, and I was completely immersed in everything kids!
By the time my youngest started kindergarten, I was feeling the nudge within me to do more than volunteer for kids activities. I wanted something that was more about me than them.
Quickly I found that every time I stepped into the outside world attempting to fill my desires to be something other than a mom in the world, I would be pulled back into the nest.
Without my constant nesting, our nest would start to fall apart and I was not capable of allowing that to happen. I gave up on my new ventures. Despite seeing many of my friends balancing jobs and kids there was a memory I had from childhood that made me quit and stay home.
My mother was a typical 1960's housewife who gave up her job as a secretary the day she got engaged. Her father had deemed it a waste of money to educate a woman at the college level and paid for her to go to secretarial school. When my younger brother started nursery school, Mom started college classes.
During the ten years, she spent pursuing her Bachelor's Degree in Statistics she was unavailable to me and my siblings because she was always studying. So, I vowed to myself I would always be available to my kids when they got home from school.
I finally understood why my mother went back to college when my youngest began school, and I had a little more breathing room between 8 am and 2 pm. I followed the nudge from within to pursue something for me. I thought I could manage both fulfilling work outside the family and still be available to my kids.
I did manage, but not well.
My patience was short for the kids. And, let's face it, there was also an impact on my husband. The house was not as tidy as the way I liked it. There was no more time for those little extras that made staying home a perk, and summers carefree days were no longer carefree.
The final straw broke for me one day when I was catching up on client emails, keeping one eye on homework and kids, and the other on my computer. My eldest came up to me and flat out accused me of ignoring him. In a flash, I had memories of me and my siblings tiptoeing around my mother's desk while she wrote her papers. One squeal of delight or complaint from us and we were banished outside to play. I put aside the desire to do my own thing, got back to the kids, and enjoyed every minute of raising them. (Well, almost every minute!)
The long-awaited time to do me is here!
And what do I do?
I mourn the days when the kids were young and life was always unexpected and never mine to control.
How do I let go of being a parent and embrace what's next for me?
I have a little dread from those times I did venture into work outside the home. Now, I know the house won't fall apart without me in it, and the kids at home will pick up food at the grocery store if they need it.
I built up a strong parenting muscle over the last 27 years and no longer need to use it.
Is it possible to keep this parent muscle from deflating and instead transform it into something strong just for me?
What a feeling!
My personal muscle has slowly grown, been transformed, and revealed what my next phase in life looks like.
All of my endeavors outside the home were about helping others, and in 2017 I was introduced to Life Coaching. It has opened up a whole new view of the world! I now have so many amazing tools that I use every day to set boundaries, de-stress, see gifts in difficult situations, make decisions that are in alignment with what I value, and so much more.
Through extensive training with the Co-Active Training Institute as a Leader and Coach, as well as being coached, I know myself better now than ever.
I have a deep understanding of what fulfills me, and how to bring more joy and pleasure into my life. This is something I know many other parents long for as well, and I am here to help them.
Kids take you on a seemingly endless roller coaster ride.
Everything about raising kids is exciting, emotional, exhausting, and so heart-pounding, we forget how to breathe for ourselves.
The oxygen mask has dropped from the ceiling of your life, your kids have grown up, and it's time to put that mask back on yourself first.
My oxygen mask is firmly on. I have built my business around helping parents put theirs back on as they learn to live with an empty nest.
What is your parenting story? What are you looking for?
If any of the above resonates with you, and you'd like to chat, simply connect with me here to arrange a call.